Everything Is Always Your Fault, All The Time (How To Take 100% Self-Accountability)

March 25, 2024 | Daymion Alvarez

Yes, that’s right.

Everything. All the time. Your fault. No exceptions.

Imagine a situation with 2 different people; let’s call them Tom and Bob. They are 25 years old and are twins.

Tom adapts a mindset that makes him believe everything is always his fault all the time, no matter what.

Bob adapts a mindset where he constantly plays victim, takes no self-accountability, and blames the circumstances of his situation on everything.

Now, imagine Tom and Bob’s mother unfortunately contracts an incurable disease and has been given 4 months to live. Bear with me here.

Being that Tom’s mentality bears him full responsibility of any situation, he takes 100% self-accountability for this extremely sad situation. What do you think Tom’s next steps would be?

Perhaps Tom starts doing research on the disease, seeing who else has gone through a similar situation and how they dealt with it.

Maybe he finds similarities across the families that have contracted this heartbreaking disease.

In his research, he finds that the striking commonality among all people with this incurable disease is that they over-consumed a certain food across their lifetime.

Equipped with this information, he now has a concrete reason for him and his immediate family to stop over-consuming this certain food.

He also finds that there was one case decades ago where a patient of this disease mega-dosed vitamin d3, and she lived 10x longer than the doctors expected.

It was seemingly a miracle, but worth a shot.

Tom now has actionable steps to attempt to help the current situation. It may or may not work, but he’s doing everything in his power to be as helpful as possible.

Now, being that Bob’s mindset causes him to blame his situation on others / circumstances, he takes 0% self-accountability for his mother’s disease.

What do you think his next steps are?

Cry in the corner? Rock in his chair and say “why me?? why do bad things happen to good people????” over and over?

Bob has no actionable steps to help the situation, no knowledge that he can use to prevent this happening in the future, and is overall a nuisance to the people who are trying to cherish the time they have left with this wonderful woman.

He’s an inconvenience and does nothing but upset other people - all because he takes no self-accountability.

Who would you rather be in this situation?

While it may seem extreme, it’s an example to put this into perspective for you. This happens to people across the world every single day.

You’d be shocked how good you have it, no matter how shit you think your life is.

Self Analysis Is Key

Are you a Tom or a Bob when shitty things happen in your life?

You may think you fall somewhere in between but if you’ve never considered the idea of taking 100% self-accountability in all facets of your life, chances are you’re closer to a Bob than a Tom.

You need to do critical self-analysis. Don’t worry, no one's here to judge you. Get a piece of paper and answer the following questions; it shouldn’t take longer than 10 minutes.

- When something bad happens in your life, what's your natural reaction?

- If you were to be fired from your job / lose your main source of income, how would you react?

- If your significant other / parent got a terminal illness tomorrow, how would you react?

- When someone comes to you with a problem, is your natural reaction to sympathize or solve?

- Have you ever asked yourself "why me?" or "why do bad things happen to good people?"

The answers to these questions may haunt you. They may surprise you. If you’re not used to doing self-analysis, you may feel offended or shocked.

That’s okay, it’s all apart of the task. Revealing the answers to these questions is the first step to transcending your character.

It’s quite likely that you’re a very reactive person at your core. You tend to blame things on others or circumstance, not to take accountability, and make it very clear when someone fucks up.

With this mentality, you’re like a feather in the wind, going whatever which way life will take you.

You’re like a ship in the dark with no headlights or steering, being taken wherever the waves will push you.

You’re still wondering why life has felt like a repeat of the same episode for the last couple years? That’s exactly why.

You take ZERO accountability.

“But that’s not my fault!” - yes it is, you didn’t have to be there or in that situation.

“There’s nothing I could’ve done!” - there’s always something you could’ve done.

“I tried my best!” - if you really tried your best, you would have succeeded. The human potential is massive.

There’s a way out, I promise. I’ll do my best to verbalize that for you in the next section.

The Way Out

All it takes is a mentality shift.

You’re the only person who can improve your life.

There’s no one that can do it for you.

That’s the first thing you need to take accountability for: your own life.

Everything is always your fault. All the time. No matter what it is.

It starts raining and you got wet? It’s not the rains fault, it’s yours. You could’ve left the house earlier, taken an Uber, or brought an umbrella.

Your dog vomited on the floor? You could’ve watched him better, fed him different food or a different amount, or put him outside.

Car broke down? Why didn’t you take it in for maintenance this month? You could’ve recognized the signs of the issue before it happened.

No matter what the situation is, you need to take 100% accountability for it.

All. The. Time.

It’s tough to be hard on yourself, especially if you’ve been living a life of constantly trying to be nice to yourself for your “mental health” (bullshit), but that’s what it’s going to take to develop and become the person you want to become.

However, not only are you to take full accountability for your losses, you’re also going to take full accountability for your wins.

You woke up on time? Completely your fault, good shit.

You had to stay late at work but brought an extra meal today? Let’s go, that’s a W.

You finally signed that client or landed that new job? All your fault, keep it up.

Adapting this mindset will allow you to start having gratitude for your wins along with actionable steps to make sure your losses don’t occur consistently.

Learning from your losses compounds over time.

The more you lose, the more you learn, the less you lose. It’s a virtuous cycle that puts time on your side rather than against you.

You’re able to steer your life in the direction you want it to go rather than going wherever the wind takes you.

Since adapting this framework, my life has shown a complete and unadulterated upward trajectory.

I’d like to think you can do the same for your life.

Let’s make this actionable for you.

5 Tips To Start Taking Control Of Your Life

1) Start Small

We don’t need to overwhelm ourselves at first, start with something simple like your body composition.

2) Start Measurable

We want to take control of something we can measure so we can see progress or regression immediately. The feedback is critical.

3) Start Following Mentors

Find people who are where you want to be in life or on the path and engulf yourself in their story.

Their habits, their routine, their relationships, everything.

Copying their life verbatim will most likely lead to overwhelm, but take pieces that you like, slowly adapt them, and see how your life improves / declines.

4) Start Self-Analyzing

When we get the feedback, we need a system to analyze and use that feedback to get better.

I wrote a full article on this. You can find that here.

5) Start Taking On More

Once you have the basics of your life trending in the right direction, take on bigger tasks that will bring more stress.

Dealing with stress will make you a beast in all facets of your life.

I wrote a full article on this. You can find that here.

Start taking accountability for both the wins and losses in your life.

Boast your wins, learn from your losses. Eventually, you’ll have learned so much from losing that you’re winning more often than you’re losing.

Commit to taking full accountability of the things that happen in your life, no matter what, for the next 30-days and I promise you’ll view the world in a completely different & more positive light.

I believe in you.

Hope that helps.

-Daymion